Dance of a Single "Survivor"

Dear Blogger Family and Friends,

Heartfelt greetings to one and all! Hope everyone is doing well as we look ahead to warmer weather and bluer skies. In the meantime, anyone feeling the "Super Bowl Fever?"

While most of you know the ongoing saga of my battle with lobular cancer, there are so many more compelling stories to be heard from others. No two stories are the same and everyone tells their story from a unique point of view. On that note, starting this week, I am breaking with tradition and invite others to use this forum to share their stories as well as words of wisdom.

I thought it would be interesting to read about survivorship from the perspective of a single woman, and have invited my first guest blogger, Brenda (a.k.a. "B. Kaye"), to write about her personal cancer journey. Brenda graciously agreed to share her testimony with all of us. Here is her story.

Brenda writes:

I have a profile that is posted on an online singles dating service...It reads:

I am a single, Caucasian woman, blonde, brown-eyed, 5'9" barefooted, extremely fit and healthy, very passionate, versatile, Christian, with a passion for servant hood, fishing, scuba, white water rafting, cooking, entertaining, photography, travel, the outdoors, family & friends, and ice cream... just to name a few. I have an adventuresome spirit and am looking for a best friend who wants to join me on a voyage to experience our dreams and wishes fulfilled. In a nutshell, I’m looking for a “Friendship that Catches Fire”.

What my profile does not say about me is that... I’m a Survivor. "Survivor." What a word!! I don’t leave the word "Survivor" out of my online profile because of humility... I leave it out because it is a defense mechanism that, just this week, I realized I had conjured up to protect myself from rejection....Why would I choose to use the word "Survivor" to describe myself if it's a liability that will prevent me from finding that "friendship that catches fire." Much to my chagrin, I’ve been doing this dance for the past 12 years, literally from diagnosis. It's what I've nick-named, “ The Singles' Survivor Dance”.

Darn it! How ironic it is, that the word "Survivor" has such different meanings to different people. What an honor to be a Survivor, and yet why do I choose not to use this word to describe myself in my profile? Regardless of who I’m going to meet...and regardless of their definition of Survivor... if they know or find out that I’m a Survivor before I get there, it seems cancer always walks in the door ahead of me which I just despise. Some consider me a hero of sorts for being a Survivor... held in very high esteem and admired; while others consider and treat me like a leper... one to be avoided at all cost because... Yikes! “She’s a Survivor”...she could be a liability...she’s had the “c” word... doctors... chemo... hospitals... $$$ money$$$...death (like we all don’t have to do it at some time or another)... scars....does she have breasts?

I AM not cancer. I AM in spite of cancer. Which dance I do, depends on the definition of the moment. Must I really have to defend myself for being a Survivor? It’s an incredible feat in my life that I’m proud of and grateful for. I’m 11 years out of a bone marrow transplant for Stage 3-4 breast cancer. Stem Cell research was a Gift....something that causes some people to look up to me. It is something in my life that I use to encourage and serve others. Being a Survivor has become my ministry in life to help others, who come behind me, find their way. It’s a huge part of my life. I have even been honored in ceremonies for winning this huge battle and being a Survivor.

Every time I think I’ve claimed my life back from this hideous disease, and that I’m living FREE and FULLY, God shows me that there’s more freedom... and an even richer, fuller life that comes from serving.... even when doing the dance. While doing the dance is sometimes frustrating and emotionally exhausting, I will dance my heart out if it means getting my foot in the door if for no other reason but to educate those who are living their lives in fear... and to teach them by example, the true definition of Survivor. cancer is behind me, if you will, but continues to stay hot on my heels... like the awkward boy at the dance nagging, staring, following me. To Dance, or not to Dance. I say, "ALWAYS DANCE!" And, as you do, remember: "Man's rejection is God's protection."

By the way, I never capitalize the word "cancer"... even if it's at the beginning of a sentence... It's just my way of not giving it honor... or any type of importance. (WINK!) Hugs! B.Kaye 1/17/07 Copyright 2007
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Special thanks to Brenda for courageously sharing the trials and tribulations that not only interject her daily life as a Survivor, but also as a single woman. I know that many readers can identify with her story and will hopefully benefit and be inspired by her positive spirit and determination. I encourage all of you to contribute a post to this blog spot by writing to me at the e-mail address below. Remember, there are lessons to be learned through the words of others.

"The life I touch for good or ill, will touch another life, and that in turn another, until who knows where the trembling stops or in what far place my touch will be felt."

-Frederick Buechner

Love to all, Josie
The Pink Crusader
thepinkcrusader1@aol.com